Five Ways to Bring the Golf Course to the Office
Let's be honest with one another, shall we? We're all friends here. This is a safe place. Chances are that if you love golf like I do, you've practiced your golf swing in the mirror of the men's bathroom at your office. You probably have a picture of a golf hole as your desktop background. Hell, you probably even have a Carl Spackler bobble-head on your desk.
But just like the game itself, there's always room for improvement. It's time to step up your Office Golf game, son.
Here are five ways you can help bring the golf course to the office. (#OfficeGolf)
Open Every Meeting With "Hello Friends"
The Masters might be a tradition unlike any other, but nothing screams "Augusta Pride" like CBS commentator Jim Nantz opening tournament coverage with his trademark phrase. Why not do the same thing at your next Board Meeting?
The set-up is simple. Wear a nice sport coat, a necktie with a full Windsor knot, slick your hair back, smile coyly at your CFO and let'er rip. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Confiscate a coworker's cell phone
Cell phones are not allowed at PGA Tour events, and marshalls will snag those suckers right out of your hands. Why not try the same thing by the water cooler?
Dedicate one whole business day to teaching those inattentive coworkers a lesson. If they give you any grief, just tell them to visit the hospitality tent to reclaim their device at the conclusion of play.
Dress like a golf company sponsors you
Any golfer who wants to wear a name brand golf polo knows they'll have to dig deep in their wallet. Some of these shirts go for more than $90 a pop (unless you go bargain bin diving, which we do not condone). Who says you can't get the most out of your seasonal golf wardrobe investment?
Nothing projects the image of a successful businessman than a full Rickie Fowler orange PUMA polo and slacks on a Friday. What's that sound? Oh, that's your boss promoting you to President.
Scream 'Mashed potatoes' during the next powerpoint presentation
I swear that this makes complete sense in my head. For some unexplained reason, idiots at golf tournaments started yelling 'mashed potatoes!' at golfers. I still have no idea why this happens.
But that doesn't mean you can't partake in this tradition at the office! The next time you have to sit through the annual sexual harassment training PowerPoint presentation, you know what to do when the screen changes. Every. Single. Time.
Announce the name of every person who enters the washroom like Ivor Robson
The Open Championship is not only the oldest golf tournament still being played, but it's also the main stage for first-tee announcer Ivor Robson. His legendary voice -- and incredible voice inflections -- are as much a part of the tournament as wind, rain, and Tom Watson.
Kill a few minutes at the office by hanging out by the bathroom sink and announce the name of every poor soul who crosses the threshold while doing your best Ivor impression. I guarantee at least one guy will wave to the "crowd." Or fire you. Either way.
